


Revelations

by clgfanfic



Category: Soldier of Fortune Inc.
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 09:52:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/559674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clgfanfic/pseuds/clgfanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post "Deja Vu."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in the zine Don't Ask, Don't Tell #1 under the pen name Casey Squire.

I heard the soft whimper and opened my eyes.  The room was still dark, only a faint glow beginning to build around the edges of the curtains.  I looked at the clock – 0330.  He was having another dream.

I shook my head, wishing that I could do something to help, but I knew I couldn't.  But I might be able to make him forget for a little while… If I could wake him up without getting myself killed, that is.

The nightmares had started a couple of days after we got back from Mexico.  I knew Benny Ray was blaming himself for what had happened to the major, and even now, a couple of months later, he was still beating himself up about it.  I'd hoped that he might have gotten it behind him when he'd talked to Father Bob, but I guess not.  Figures.  The man's as loyal as they come, but sometimes he demands more responsibility than he's due.

And now I knew why he was so torn up over Major Shepherd's injuries, or at least I thought I did.  It was simple.  He loved the man.

I grinned in the dark hotel room.  Imagine that, Benny Ray Riddle in love with the major.  I guess the romantic in me got a kick out of it.  And it wasn't like we'd pledged hearts and flowers to each other.  I mean, we do enjoy each other's bodies, and we're damned good friends, but we're not in love with each other.  There are no strings in our relationship.

Still, I care about the man, and seeing him beat himself up again and again was hard.  Damned hard.  Major Shepherd was going to make it, we all knew that.  And Rico kept us posted on his progress.  But he was dealing with his own demons, and he'd frozen us out of the process.

I think that hurt Benny Ray more than he'd ever admit.  He wanted to be there for Matt.  He wanted to help him.  Hell, he wanted to hold him and love away all the pain, but it wasn't to happen that way.  So he spent his time thinking that he should be the one going through hell.  Stupid, but understandable.

And that nurse glued to the major's hip wasn't helping much either.  She sure filled out her uniform, and the major seemed to be noticing it, but it was like waving a piece of raw meat in front of a caged wolf.  Benny Ray knew what he wanted, but he couldn't get it.  And he couldn't stop her from getting closer and closer to Shepherd.

So he'd turned to exacting revenge on the men who had put the major in the hospital.  And here we were in Mexico, getting ready to go get the intel we'd need to come back and exact some well-deserved payback.  And Benny Ray was still blaming himself.  It didn't seem quite fair.  I wish the major could see what he was missing.  From the day we made love the first time up at the Bear Lake cabin I knew Benny Ray was one helluva catch.  We tried to fall in love, but it just wouldn't happen.  There's a country song I've heard Benny Ray listen to that sums us up: A little less than lovers, a little more than friends.  That's what we are.

And that's why I couldn't stand to see the man hurt like that.  So I took my life in my hands and reached out, gently running my fingertips along the side of his face while I whispered whatever soothing words came to mind.  He quieted and lay still, but his eyes were still closed.

He'd managed to push the blanket down to his waist and I just couldn't resist exploring down his throat, and over his broad, muscular shoulders, touching lightly.  A soft moan was the response, but this sound wasn't troubled.  I rubbed gently down his arm and back up again, then across his upper chest.  Another soft moan.

I could feel the goose bumps rise on his skin and brushed the back of my hand down his ribs to where the blanket sat on his hip.  He twisted slightly following the motion of my hand, but I shifted the trajectory of my exploration, running my fingers softly in circles around the hard nub of a nipple.  He moaned louder, his head pushing back against the pillow.  I rolled the pebble-hard nipple between my thumb and finger, then squeezed.  Benny Ray arched slightly.

In the dim light filtering in around the curtains I could make out the man's erection, poking up against the sheet and blanket – I love the fact he sleeps in the nude, something he'd got me into the habit of, too – and I just couldn't resist reaching out and squeezing it through the soft material.

"Mmm, best wake up call I ever got," Benny Ray said huskily.

I chuckled, pressing the man's pole down against his belly and letting it jump up again.

"You gonna do something, or just play with it?" he drawled.

"Hmm," I said, "I think I'm gonna go spelunking."

"Spee-what?"

"You'll see," I told him.

Reaching down, I pulled the covers up and swung around so I was buried under the sheet and blanket along with that waiting bed-tent pole.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Benny Ray asked a second before I kissed the crown of his cock.  He growled low in his chest and pressed his hips up, grinding his cock-head against my lips.

It was too hot under the blankets, but the air was thick with the smell of his arousal.  I drank it in, then pulled the blankets off.  The cooler air of the room raised more goose bumps along Benny Ray's legs, and I made them grow even larger when I pushed my hands up the inside of his thighs, then fondled his heavy balls.

"Oh, man," he sighed, "You're gonna make me come."

"Damned right I am," I teased, kissing his crown again, then licked the underside of his straining pole.

"Oh, yeah," he moaned, throwing his arms wide, his fingers curling into the pillows.

God, I love king-sized beds!

I crouched in front of Benny Ray, nestled between his wide-spread legs.  His pole rose majestically at a forty-five degree angle and looked as hard as iron.  Major Shepherd really didn't know what he was missing.  If I was him, I'd be begging Benny Ray to love me.  Well, maybe someday he'll get around to it.

I took a moment to enjoy the view.  Benny Ray was nice and tan, his deep, solidly muscled chest covered with a sprinkling of dark hair that got thicker just below his belly button.  And nestled in the middle of that dark patch was his beautiful cock – big and creamy white with a wine-colored head.  And it was just waiting for me to do something.  My own pole was starting to throb and ache a little uncomfortably, but I knew the wait would be well worth it.

"Come here," Benny Ray said softly.

I could've ignored him and sucked that sweet pole into my mouth like I wanted to, but I could hear the need in his voice.  I crawled up between his leg and his arms went around me.  He pulled us together.  His kiss was so hard and intense that I felt myself surrender without the slightest hesitation.  Our naked thighs pressed tightly against each other; my hard cock trapped between our bodies.

We stayed like that, devouring each other's mouths long enough for my lips to begin to swell.  Then Benny Ray rolled us over.  Before I could get the upper hand back I felt his lips encircle the head of my pole.

A rush of sweet, hot warmth raced down the length of my shaft, then spread out in a satisfying pool in my belly.  I groaned long and low.

Benny Ray blew me like an expert, varying his rhythm with just the right amount of suction.  For a moment I felt like he was sucking my whole body, stripping me of all inhibition.  His hands and mouth united against me and overwhelmed my senses.  I couldn't stop my hips from bucking up, my hardness sliding between Benny Ray's open, willing lips.  I pistoned it farther and farther down his throat, listening to my balls slap against his chin.

Benny Ray's tongue swirled tantalizingly around my cock head and I knew I was going to explode soon.  Up and down his mouth bobbed over my cock.  A demanding feeling began to well up from deep inside my balls and Benny Ray became more insistent, like he knew I was close and wanted what he had coming to him.

When it hit me, it was like the floodgates of an overflowing dam had been opened.  Benny Ray's throat milked one then four or five powerful jets of my thick hot cream from me.  My come just kept gushing out of my cock, and when I was empty he looked up and licked his lips.

"Jesus, Benny Ray," I panted.  "I was gonna do that."

He grinned.  God, but I do love that grin.  "Too slow."

"Slow, huh?" I grumbled, sitting up.  "I'll show you slow," I said, humping to the edge of the huge bed.  "I'm gonna take a leak.  Be right back."

"Ain't goin' nowhere," Benny Ray said, spreading out in the center of the bed, stroking his still-hard pole.

When I came back I set the necessities on the nightstand, then climbed onto the bed and pushed his hand away from his cock.  It had gotten a little soft, but when I sucked it into my mouth it swelled right up, getting rock hard again in just a few moments.

"You want it?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah," was my reply.  "Everything's on the nightstand."

I straddled him, my ass pointed at him, while I bent over his cock, licking and sucking just enough to make him really hot.  I heard him reach out and grab something, then he pulled my ass cheeks apart.  I felt a lubed finger slide into my puckered hole and sighed luxuriantly.  It was soon joined by another as he opened me up.  He knew what I wanted – his cock plowing into my ass – and I couldn't wait.

"Move," he growled at me as his fingers slid free.

I crawled forward, staying on my hands and knees.  Dipping my head, I looked back and watched him roll a condom down his shaft.  Then he moved, rolling up onto his knees.  He inched forward, his hands reaching out to grab my hips.  I wiggled my ass at him.  "Hurry up," I complained.

Benny Ray lubed his pole, then worked just the head past my sphincter.  I felt my asshole stretch to accommodate him, and had to admit that he was one of the biggest white men I'd ever been with.  And God but it felt good.

Slowly but inexorably I felt him slide into me.  When his hips kissed my butt cheeks I pressed back, pressing him in just a little farther, then squeezed my muscles.  Benny Ray groaned and arched his hips against me even tighter.

He set a slow rhythm, rocking in and out of me no more than an inch.  I closed my eyes and enjoyed the waves of pleasure that rolled out with each move.  Then he pushed in a little harder and pulled out slowly until only his head remained trapped inside me.  I squeezed hard to keep him from pulling out all the way, but I knew he wouldn't anyway.

He pistoned his hips in extremely short, fast strokes, vibrating my asshole.  I arched my head back and tried to push him in further, but he was in control.  When I relaxed a little he leaned forward, sliding all the way back in.  I sighed and squeezed my thanks.

Before I knew it, he reached down and grabbed my pole, rubbing up and down the entire length while he plowed me in long, slow strokes.  I bucked back onto Benny Ray's cock, forcing him in deep.  He picked up the pace, slamming deeply into my ass.  Then he backed off. 

When Benny Ray began loving me with long purposeful strokes I thought I was going to die.  The familiar churning in my balls signaled that I was about to erupt again and I heard Benny Ray's low groan that told me he was close, too.

"Give it to me, Benny Ray," I said, bearing down as hard as I could on the length of his hardness.  In moments he was jack-hammering his cock into me faster and faster, and his fat balls weren't slapping my ass any more.  I felt his pole swelling up even thicker than before.

He grabbed my hips, grunting as he forced every inch of his cock into my ass as he shot his load.  For an instant I felt every vein along his cock and every spurt of his scalding cream as it swelled the tip of his condom.  His fingers curled over the tip of my own swelled pole and I lost it, coming so violently I damned near passed out.

Benny Ray pulled his softening cock from my ass and I felt my muscles contract.  I was exhausted, drained, and unspeakably satisfied.

I heard him pull the condom off as I crawled back to the head of the bed and flopped down next to him.  He dropped the drenched rubber into the small wastebasket next to the nightstand, then rolled over and dropped down next to me.

"Man, you're good," he said.

"You're no slouch either," I replied.  "But I know your secret."

"Oh?" he asked.

"Yeah.  You're in love with the major, aren't you," I said rather than asked.

He took a deep breath and let it out slow.  "Yep."

"When you get close, you close your eyes and you're loving him, right?"

He nodded in the dimly lit room.  "But—"

"Don't apologize," I interrupted.  "I understand.  What we have is what we have, but love, that's another matter."

He nodded again.  "But that's just a fantasy, and that's all it's ever gonna be."

"Don't be so sure."

Benny Ray snorted.  "Hell, Chance, the man's straight as an arrow.  He likes the ladies… _lots_ of ladies.  The man gets more ass than a platoon."

"Maybe," I admitted.  "But I'm not completely convinced."

"Well, it don't matter now anyway."

"What do you mean?" I asked, not liking the tone of his voice.

"After we cap Herrera we won't be goin' home…  'Sides, you heard him, he's not with us any more.  And don't forget the major's makin' time with that blonde nurse, too.  Maybe he'll finally settle down."

I couldn't help it, I laughed. 

"What?" he asked, a touch of annoyance in his tone.

"The major?  Settle down?"

"Hell, after nearly dyin', he oughta think about it!"

"Okay, maybe that's true, but I just don't see him doing it.  And you can't write off what you're feeling just like that."

"Oh, yeah?  Why not?"

"Because you love the man, Benny Ray.  Look, where I come from love can be pretty cheap, and—"

"Yeah, I hear that."

"And when you find the real thing, it's worth fighting for."

"What about us?" Benny Ray asked.

"Benny Ray, you're my friend, and you're always going to be my friend, but I'm nowhere near heading off to Hawaii with you."

Benny Ray chuckled softly.  "Okay, I get the message…  And I agree."

"All I'm saying is, stick by the man a little longer.  Maybe he'll come around.  Stranger things have happened."

"Oh?" Benny Ray asked.  "Like what?"

"Like me and C.J."

"You and—?"

"You heard me!"

"Christ, Chance, why didn't you tell me?  We—"

"Benny Ray, shut up and listen to me for a minute."  I waited a couple of seconds to be sure he was going to do what I'd told him.  "Look, he always attracted me, but, well, you know how he can be."

"Yeah, a pain in the ass."

I grinned.  "That, too.  But I think we might have the real thing."

"Really?"

I nodded.  "I think so.  But I'm playing it by ear, too."

"And if you do?"

I hesitated, not wanting to tell him what I knew I had to, but he deserved to hear it.  "If we do then we're going to call it quits."

"Retire?"

"Get out while we still can and enjoy life."

He nodded.  "Makes sense to me, but I don't think I could do it."

"Another reason you and Shepherd are made for each other; neither of you will quit.  This is what you are, and that's good.  We need you out there, making the world safe for the rest of us."

Benny Ray grinned.  "Yeah?  Well, when are they gonna get around to givin' us capes?"

"When you start wearing tights," I teased.  "Wouldn't be a bad look, nice and tight, show off your ass and—"

"You and C.J.?" he asked.

I laughed again.

"I'd pay to watch that."

"Don't even think about it!" I scolded.  "You worry about getting the major to see the light."

"In my dreams."

"Hey, Benny Ray," I said, "we've all gotta have dreams.  Those nightmares should tell you that."

I could see the blush even in the dim light.  "Did I wake you up?"

"A few times.  And I know you know it, but I'm going to tell you anyway, you're not responsible for the major getting hurt."

"If I'd had the shot he—"

"Damnit, Benny Ray, things go bad in the field, I know it and you know it.  The rescue was FUBAR, granted, but it was no one's fault."

"I just keep seein' him—"

"You don't get it, do you?" I interrupted.  "Benny Ray, you're having nightmares because you love the man!  Do something about it!"

He sighed and then sat up.  "Guess we better get movin' if we're gonna get what we need to cap Herrera."

When Benny Ray turns all business there's no reason to keep trying; there's no way in hell you'll get through.  But at least I knew I'd got him thinking about it. 

I don't know how I know, but I'd bet my life that Matt Shepherd swings both ways.  I know it as clearly as I knew C.J. was gay.  And if Benny Ray can just hang in there, I know it'll work out for them.  There are times the man has no patience at all.

And all I have to worry about is whether or not I'm in love with a half-crazy British demo man…  Benny Ray says he likes "simple."  Why can't life be more simple?


End file.
